the elegant lifestyle

The Art of Marriage


When I recently stumbled across a letter Paul Newman wrote to his bride on their wedding day, I was inspired.    With a marriage spanning 50-years, there is no doubt that Mr Newman knew the ingredients to a long, happy and successful marriage.  Not only does this letter contain wisdom for a romantic relationship but I found the values also applicable to the interactions we have our friends and family.

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.

A good marriage must be created.

In the Art of Marriage, the little things are the big things.

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.

It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.


It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel.

It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding rooms for things of the spirit.

It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

Related Reads:

The Art of Poise

The Art of Inner Beauty

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  • Reply
    September 4, 2013 at 10:11 pm

    This is lovely, thank you for posting it.

    • Reply
      September 5, 2013 at 2:38 am

      A pleasure, as always, belovedalways! xx

  • Reply
    September 5, 2013 at 2:17 am

    Reblogged this on Dealing with Yourself and commented:
    This is well written and I agree with essentially all of it! I wish I could follow all of it every time, but I am working on it. I’m not married yet! But I do try to implement wisdom such as these tips, into my relationship.

    • Reply
      September 5, 2013 at 2:41 am

      Hi learnyourself2012, I think these principles are very applicable for those of us who are unmarried too! Thanks for the re-blog! xx

      • Reply
        September 12, 2013 at 7:20 pm

        Thanks Clare! I agree with you 🙂 and no problem, I really enjoyed your post!

  • Reply
    September 5, 2013 at 2:31 am

    I have always loved Paul Newman the actor, now I have something to admire in the man! Great insights on marriage.

    • Reply
      September 5, 2013 at 2:44 am

      Hi Laure! Yes, Paul seemed like a very strong, well-grounded man with a tender heart which is characterized in this letter. xx

  • Reply
    Libby L.
    September 5, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    I needed this. My boyfriend and I are going through a difficult time (he has lost his identity and his faith) and I can’t wait to share this with him. Thank you 🙂

  • Reply
    September 5, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    Good one: It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

    I wrote about “this is what I think love is” and concluded: Love is an individualized emotion, different for each person. Love, no matter with whom, where, when, or why, takes time and energy. It is the giving of one’s self, but not a loss of one’s self.

  • Reply
    November 22, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    This is lovely, thank you for sharing it 🙂

  • Reply
    December 16, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    This was the reading at our wedding. We loved it! Have it framed in our bedroom now.

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